To do this, the mother must hold the child in her arms, providing comfort and tactile security, so that the child can experience the bliss of resting peacefully in total surrender to gentle love. Then, as the child gets older, the mother must provide the child with hope and encouragement as the child explores and encounters the world. If the mother fails in her task by being emotionally cold or distant, or by being critical rather than supportive, the child will be crippled with a tormenting sense of emotional emptiness.
But co-parenting amicably with your ex can give your children the stability, security, and close relationships with both parents they need. With these tips, you can remain calm, stay consistent, and resolve conflicts to make joint custody work and enable your kids to thrive.
Research suggests that the quality of the relationship between co-parents can also have a strong influence on the mental and emotional well-being of children, and the incidence of anxiety and depression. Of course, putting aside relationship issues, especially after an acrimonious split, to co-parent agreeably can be easier said than done.
Joint custody arrangements can be exhausting, infuriating, and fraught with stress.
It can be extremely difficult to get past the painful history you may have with your ex and overcome built-up resentments. Despite the many challenges, though, it is possible to develop an amicable working relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. Making co-parenting work The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship.
It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority.
Benefits for your children Through your co-parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended your marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances.
Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship: When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and new living situations, and have better self-esteem.
Better understand problem solving. Children who see their parents continuing to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems themselves.
Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future to build and maintain stronger relationships. Are mentally and emotionally healthier. Children exposed to conflict between co-parents are more likely to develop issues such as depression, anxiety, or ADHD.
Set hurt and anger aside Successful co-parenting means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Get your feelings out somewhere else.
Never vent to your child. Friends, therapistsor even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.
Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children. Never use kids as messengers. When you use your children to convey messages to your co-parent, it puts them in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex directly.
Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is free of your influence.
Improve communication with your co-parent Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity.
Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you. Co-parenting communication methods However you choose to communicate, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication: Set a business-like tone.
Speak or write to your ex as you would a colleague—with cordiality, respect, and neutrality.
Relax and talk slowly.Coral Springs Family & Divorce Lawyer. HVW Law Group is a boutique Coral Springs and Boca Raton family law firm practicing exclusively in the areas of divorce and family law in .
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